2 years ago today I quit my job of 15 years.
2 years ago I was stuck in traffic, listening to music to pump me up, while trying not to throw up. Thank you Beyoncé for reminding me who runs the world.
Being the sole provider financially at home sometimes, it was one of the most stressful decisions I made. How do I leave something secure and familiar to something unknown. I was confident in my own skills and work ethic, but would that transfer into being great at a new job.
I remember walking into the bosses office first thing that Monday morning, because I knew I had to rip the band aid off. I didn’t want to second guess my decision, besides I had already signed a new employment contract. I don’t remember much besides just blurting out “I am giving my notice today”. I always joked about when I quit my job one day there would be a marching band, I am sorry to disappoint, but alas, there was no marching band.
I truly had something better planned to say, I had worked on it and practiced all weekend, knowing I was dreading Monday. Well that didn’t happen and I just blurted stuff out, it was all professional mind you, but definitely not the organized dialogue I practiced over and over that sleepless weekend.
When it was all said and done, I cannot tell you how good it felt, the relief that just swept over me. Ladies think taking your bra off at end of day relief.
I needed the washroom right after quitting. Not to throw up, but to pee, because I took pre-workout like I was heading into a professional sporting event that morning, Probably not the best idea, but it was better than wine at 8am I figured.
So you are probably wondering what lead up to quitting. Why did I feel like I needed to leave this secure, familiar job that I could probably do with my eyes shut. There is no fancy answer like a magical unicorn came to visit me in a dream one night or anything like. It basically was one of the most important reasons…MY HEALTH.
I was going to be 40 that year. I was dealing with daily anxiety, lack of motivation and boredom when it came to work. I had elevated blood pressure, which my Naturopathic doctor suspected was stress related, as well as digestive and skin issues. My wonderful Naturopath was giving me treatments which would help, but was really only a temporary bandage. I was going every couple of months for her to temporarily fix me, knowing I was just in what seemed like a endless cycle. It was the deeper cause of these health problems that I needed to deal with, but for a long time, I was not ready. The bandage seemed good enough for me.
One day after a rough day at work, I remember getting home that night and just breaking down on the kitchen floor. I remember the tears, the body aches and the way my brain just shut down. I was numb. I knew I couldn’t keep up like this.
I was approached to apply for a job outside my current job not long after and for once I decided I would entertain the idea. I went into it like I would just entertain the idea as a courtesy to see what they have to say and that would be that. I didn’t expect it would get to the point where I was seriously contemplating leaving my job of 15 years. I remember I googled how to interview as I had taken myself out of the game for so long.
The excitement that came after each interview was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Having had to talk about myself and my strengths and what I am looking for in a job and a company I felt a spark. It truly did make me realize how much I was not being utilized at my current job and just what kind of work environment I had made myself numb to and allowed for it to feel acceptable.
A job offer came to me one afternoon and I then realized, Oh crap, this is real and it’s time to really take this seriously. So what does one do when they need to make a decision, yes, a Pros and Cons List. I kept that thing near me, and I talked to everyone who would even listen to me, even people at the gym. I think I knew deep down what I wanted to do, but it was to scary to accept it.
After all the list making and all the talking, it came down to a couple people and even my hubby saying… “will you even make it to retirement healthy”. I was at a loss for words, cause it hit me and I knew they were 110% right. You see, losing a pension and a great benefit package is what kept me from truly feeling like I could leave and I struggled with that, however staying would guarantee my health would not get better. I never truly realized how much stress affects all systems of your body both physically and mentally.
That is when my decision was made, and that is what brought me to drinking pre-workout like I was doing shots at a bar in college and channelling my inner Beyonce that Monday morning, If it was professionally acceptable, it would of been the time after quitting, to break out the camo and blast some Destiny’s Child Survivor. Well that was a missed opportunity.
Why am I tell you all this?
Maybe you are struggling in many ways at your current job and need reassurance that you can take the next step. I want you to know that it feels scary and you doubt yourself so much during the process, but it is worth it. What makes you uncomfortable makes you stronger in the end.
I truly didn’t know if the grass was going to be greener on the other side. I am fortunate enough to say it has been for me and I am so grateful. There were some pivots made to ensure the things I was walking away didn’t feel like a burden financially. The whole process was uncomfortable but I wouldn’t change what happened.
Here are some of my tips for you if you feel in are in the same situation as I was;
- listen to your body and the warning signs as to when it is time to leave a workplace
- keep your resume up to date (you never know when opportunities come knocking)
- if you get a interview, go to the damn interview (Worse case scenario you don’t like the sound of the job, you don’t have to take the job and you got some interview experience)
- talk to the people who you trust and will listen
- write out a Pros and Cons list (even if you’re not actively looking for a job, it’s a great exercise to remind you of what you truly want in a job and workplace)
- be confident in your knowledge and your abilities (we were all beginners at any job we have ever had and you should never stop learning)
- blast all the Jams! (You find your favourite hype songs and you sing them like you are giving a concert)
- listen to your stomach and your heart (they are very wise)
The Love Yourself Diary 